I have not laid eyes on this blog in such a long time it's unreal :'(
And after this I doubt there'll be a major amount of tap tap tapping till the good ol' festivities! But whatever, howdy, heylo, yes mate. I am here now and I am all yours...
ANYWHO
Life?
Life is bizarre right now; I feel like everything is passing me by in a conglomeration of swirling textbooks and crayons. I blink and I miss several weeks worth of nonsensical, irrelevent chatter and find myself bemused and unhinged.
Maybe it's just me?
It's all starting to look up Up UP though! ^______^
Reg and I are planning on making a baby...
We shall MERGE into one!
(And this time, not physically o.O)
Yes, we plan on leaking out our creative juices and swilling them round and round until...
OUR MOST GLORIOUS ORGASMICALLY WONDERFUL EXUBERANT AND SLIGHTLY WHORISH NOVEL IS BORN!
There is no doubt that it will be the most awesome entity since the Futch.
And the Futch is pretty darn awesome, pointless* yet awesome.
It will fund our many addictions...
Ah well, short post but I'm bored now and need to get back to the artistic jizz that is my sketch book ^_^
NAANIIIIIGHT!
*I'm sure one day we shall discover the meaning of the Futch. We must not give up hope! I BELIEVE IN FUTCH DAMNIT!!
Thursday 3 December 2009
Saturday 19 September 2009
Guess who?
\
So, when I said that I would return to blogging in September, I may have lied just a teensy little bit. But now I have so many different ways of blogging, I really have no excuse not to – darn technological evolution!!!
Gah… So much has happened since I last tapped to you that I really have no clue as to where to start.
Umm. Err..
*Gazes around sheepishly awaiting some form of "Awkward Turtle" movement to pulsate out of the screen*
NIPPLES!
Why do men have nipples then? That seems a vaguely appropriate question to blog about J
Is it a genetic error? Or did guys once have the ability to lactate? Who knows? In fact, I may Google this most frightfully intriguing query.
*taptaptaptaptaptapsnorttap*
Ha! It was actually the first suggestion on the list when I typed in 'Why do men…' - OBVIOUSLY I'm not the only one curious!
*taptaptaptap…tap*
"The answer is that as embryos men and women have similar tissues and body parts. If anything the embryo follows a 'female template'. That is why nipples are present in both sexes. It is the effect of the genes, the Y chromosome and the hormone testosterone that brings about the changes and masculinises the embryo. Testosterone promotes the growth of the penis and testicles. Because nipples are there before this process begins the nipples stay!"
SO… men begin life basically as women XD SUCK ON THAT!!!!!!
Also,Male Breasts Can Produce Milk! This amused me…
All this talk of male breasts reminds me of my GCSE English coursework aka 'MOOB'. Yes, dear readers, my coursework was a story about a guy who owned an ample pair of man boobs and was reminded of this in all his adventures. My English teacher was… bemused by it to say the least. Got an A star though!
Anyway, other answers provided were:
- FOR WOMEN TO PLAY WITH.
- The left one changes the station while the right one controls volume
- So they don't look weird in beachwear...
There is also a website and book, for anyone with a twisted obsession with those pink, manly nubs.
http://www.whydomenhavenipples.com/
Muahahaaa!! Dais is back J
Well, my own personal little life isn't too awful right now. Utterly fed up of the smelly shite that entitles itself 'Homework', but meh! What can I do about it? Apparently at a level you can't feed it to the dog/chicken/small child no more.
ANYWHO! I must bow and exult as there is so much work that I promised myself I would do tonight that is still hibernating in my pen stained school bag.
Niiiiiiiiighty night dear followers!
Friday 28 August 2009
Apologies!
I pinky swear that I shall honestly reume writing this lovely blog when college starts up. I know thats an odd thing to do, but hey.... I'm a wee bit obscure in my logic! Anyway, the only real reason that I came on here today is to see if my absolutely enchanting new E71 has blogging capabilities. And it does!
How orgasmically exciting!?
Anywayyyy.............
Moo!
I shall type to you in September!
Tataaa for now my lovelies xxx
How orgasmically exciting!?
Anywayyyy.............
Moo!
I shall type to you in September!
Tataaa for now my lovelies xxx
Friday 31 July 2009
Thursday 30 July 2009
Tweet tweet!!
Heheee!!
I have discovered many lovely things today.
Many heavenly, orgasmically thrilling experiences...
1. Twitter. I LOVE THIS! I am now officially stalking Stephen Fry! Can you not feel the excitement being exuded by my inner geek? STEPHEN FRY! He is a legend, an idol, a comedic genius. I also plan on using it for hunting down lots of talented, successful artsy types in due time.
2. Coco Rocks. Thankyou, my darling Reginald, you have got me hooked. I find myself, even now, lusting over those iddy biddy pockets of chocolatey goodness. Ommnommmm :P
3. PSYCHOVILLE. Orgasmically good. Disturbing, unnerving and rather perturbing but utterly thrilling. Very League of Gentlemen. Very dark. Exquisitely funny!
4. Mobile internet. On my old brick? Yes! I can tweet on it :)
Teheee... So most of the day was consumed by psychoville with Reginald and S. Hardly wasted, a mon avis
Now I need to choose a new phone, as I am determined to update myself techonologically with the money expected from GCSE results (totally dreading!). A blackberry would be AWESOME, but I'm considering an LG Viewty or a Samsung Tocco Light... not sure..
Bon Nuit!!
I have discovered many lovely things today.
Many heavenly, orgasmically thrilling experiences...
1. Twitter. I LOVE THIS! I am now officially stalking Stephen Fry! Can you not feel the excitement being exuded by my inner geek? STEPHEN FRY! He is a legend, an idol, a comedic genius. I also plan on using it for hunting down lots of talented, successful artsy types in due time.
2. Coco Rocks. Thankyou, my darling Reginald, you have got me hooked. I find myself, even now, lusting over those iddy biddy pockets of chocolatey goodness. Ommnommmm :P
3. PSYCHOVILLE. Orgasmically good. Disturbing, unnerving and rather perturbing but utterly thrilling. Very League of Gentlemen. Very dark. Exquisitely funny!
4. Mobile internet. On my old brick? Yes! I can tweet on it :)
Teheee... So most of the day was consumed by psychoville with Reginald and S. Hardly wasted, a mon avis
Now I need to choose a new phone, as I am determined to update myself techonologically with the money expected from GCSE results (totally dreading!). A blackberry would be AWESOME, but I'm considering an LG Viewty or a Samsung Tocco Light... not sure..
Bon Nuit!!
Wednesday 29 July 2009
What's on the a-gender?
Oh yes.. I am still here, still not dead and still pondering the mysteries of life :)
SO - Thought for the day!
Are men and women truly equal??
Is equality possible?
And should they be eqaul?
I pinky swear that I shan't turn this into a psychotic feminist rant!
Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!
Ok, so here we go...
There are obvious physical differences: bollocks and boobies e.t.c.
And obvious hormonal ones, oestrogen and testosterone. Obvious obvious obvious!
Don't worry, I'm not the British Education System and will not bore you with stuff you already know. Or would I? Muahahaahahaa- No.
Socially, men and women are about as equal as... well they're not!
For example: if a woman grows old without marrying, she must be either a 'spinster' or a psychotic bitch. It is hardly fair that a man remaining single earns himself the title of 'bachelor'. Bachelor sounds... well, nice! It suggests the guy is happy, content and respectable. A spinster is a crazy old cat woman, who takes pleasure in screeching inane babble at passers by and frightening small children.
There is a similar issue when stereotyping homosexuals. A gay guy is automatically fun, intelligent, witty and fashionable whereas a lesbian is suggested to be mannish, unattractive and to have an unhealthy fondness for ugly shoes.
And finally, on this topic, a girl who is surrounded by guys is automatically a 'slut' or a 'whore' as opposed to a guy who may be seen simply as 'a bit of a player'.
Okies so lets flip the pancake :)
Guys can get it tough too!
It may sound ironic but, due to all the effort that is constantly being taken out to make sure that women are getting lots of oppurtunities in work and play, men are often finding themselves at a disadvantage. They are always left out and expected to accept it on the terms of 'equality'. Harsh? Yes.
Also, when it comes to insurance, men are always stereotyped as angry boyracers and forced to pay a hideous amount to cover their cars. There ain't no guys allowed in Sheila's Wheels! In fact,
there are many groups dedicated to women only, yet not so much for men.
OH! And serious peer pressure to be all big and manly, when secretly they just want a hug.
Arwwwww
Poor men.
PLUS, guys have to spend lots of time worrying about the size of their *ahem* noses...
Is it big enough?
Is it too big?
What about girth?
OMG is that a WART????
Too hairy?
Bollock shaving?!
Bollock EPILATING??!! (Apparently that has been known to happen...)
Not that they have anywhere as near as much to worry about as girls do :)
I shan't go into detail... but flabby, flappy vaginas aren't the most reassuring of body parts when it comes to self esteem and whatever. And boobs. And periods. And other random body issues.
Here's something I believe to be unfair:
MASTURBATION!!
It's easy for guys, everything is right there in front of them!!
Girls are far more complicated.... clitoral stimulation... g spots... apparently there is a specific technique involved... 'come hither' motion....
And porn is all aimed at men!
But girls have more fun in the long run, I reckon, they can get away with more :D
Apart from childbirth.
JOBS?
Well, I don't see it as unfair that most of the 'top jobs' are occupied by men... 'cos they must be the dullest professions ever created. They simply ooze blandness.
Plus, most women will have become incredibly maternal or have forgotten the condom at some stage before the time they reach 30. Ahoy maternity leave and housewife syndrome!
I'll round this up
I'll stop rambling
In short:
Women and men will never truly be equal because they are way too different! Equality can never be possible as there will always be some form of discrimination and/or selectivity.
Feel free to add any contributions, my lovelies :)
SO - Thought for the day!
Are men and women truly equal??
Is equality possible?
And should they be eqaul?
I pinky swear that I shan't turn this into a psychotic feminist rant!
Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!
Ok, so here we go...
There are obvious physical differences: bollocks and boobies e.t.c.
And obvious hormonal ones, oestrogen and testosterone. Obvious obvious obvious!
Don't worry, I'm not the British Education System and will not bore you with stuff you already know. Or would I? Muahahaahahaa- No.
Socially, men and women are about as equal as... well they're not!
For example: if a woman grows old without marrying, she must be either a 'spinster' or a psychotic bitch. It is hardly fair that a man remaining single earns himself the title of 'bachelor'. Bachelor sounds... well, nice! It suggests the guy is happy, content and respectable. A spinster is a crazy old cat woman, who takes pleasure in screeching inane babble at passers by and frightening small children.
There is a similar issue when stereotyping homosexuals. A gay guy is automatically fun, intelligent, witty and fashionable whereas a lesbian is suggested to be mannish, unattractive and to have an unhealthy fondness for ugly shoes.
And finally, on this topic, a girl who is surrounded by guys is automatically a 'slut' or a 'whore' as opposed to a guy who may be seen simply as 'a bit of a player'.
Okies so lets flip the pancake :)
Guys can get it tough too!
It may sound ironic but, due to all the effort that is constantly being taken out to make sure that women are getting lots of oppurtunities in work and play, men are often finding themselves at a disadvantage. They are always left out and expected to accept it on the terms of 'equality'. Harsh? Yes.
Also, when it comes to insurance, men are always stereotyped as angry boyracers and forced to pay a hideous amount to cover their cars. There ain't no guys allowed in Sheila's Wheels! In fact,
there are many groups dedicated to women only, yet not so much for men.
OH! And serious peer pressure to be all big and manly, when secretly they just want a hug.
Arwwwww
Poor men.
PLUS, guys have to spend lots of time worrying about the size of their *ahem* noses...
Is it big enough?
Is it too big?
What about girth?
OMG is that a WART????
Too hairy?
Bollock shaving?!
Bollock EPILATING??!! (Apparently that has been known to happen...)
Not that they have anywhere as near as much to worry about as girls do :)
I shan't go into detail... but flabby, flappy vaginas aren't the most reassuring of body parts when it comes to self esteem and whatever. And boobs. And periods. And other random body issues.
Here's something I believe to be unfair:
MASTURBATION!!
It's easy for guys, everything is right there in front of them!!
Girls are far more complicated.... clitoral stimulation... g spots... apparently there is a specific technique involved... 'come hither' motion....
And porn is all aimed at men!
But girls have more fun in the long run, I reckon, they can get away with more :D
Apart from childbirth.
JOBS?
Well, I don't see it as unfair that most of the 'top jobs' are occupied by men... 'cos they must be the dullest professions ever created. They simply ooze blandness.
Plus, most women will have become incredibly maternal or have forgotten the condom at some stage before the time they reach 30. Ahoy maternity leave and housewife syndrome!
I'll round this up
I'll stop rambling
In short:
Women and men will never truly be equal because they are way too different! Equality can never be possible as there will always be some form of discrimination and/or selectivity.
Feel free to add any contributions, my lovelies :)
Tuesday 21 July 2009
Um?
Why, hello there!
It would seem that all the issues with my darling laptop that I ranted about in my last post have miraculously been fixed. Well, my neighbour jiggled it about a wee bit, gave it some meds and whispered sweet nothings through the mic et voila! We're all happy.
After a pleasent pot noodle in the garden with the clucks, I got pondering...
Since the dawn of agriculture, chickens have been genetically engineered to be fat, flightless, egg laying machines. We have no desire for skinny chickens, except for competing. We don't want chickens that fly, that would just make it easier for them to escape.
So, as I watched my gormless hens scratch up the garden, my thoughts meandered into the realms of government conspiracy theories.
Schools are publicly shown to encourage ALL children and teenagers to 'aim high' and 'achieve their best', but surely this can not be beneficial for the country?
If all children were pushed to achieve fantastically academically, then the UK would wind up in a rather sticky situation. We need worker bees! People who aspire to very little and will happily serve their country by doing inane, seemingly dull or grubby tasks.
It would seem that all the issues with my darling laptop that I ranted about in my last post have miraculously been fixed. Well, my neighbour jiggled it about a wee bit, gave it some meds and whispered sweet nothings through the mic et voila! We're all happy.
After a pleasent pot noodle in the garden with the clucks, I got pondering...
Since the dawn of agriculture, chickens have been genetically engineered to be fat, flightless, egg laying machines. We have no desire for skinny chickens, except for competing. We don't want chickens that fly, that would just make it easier for them to escape.
So, as I watched my gormless hens scratch up the garden, my thoughts meandered into the realms of government conspiracy theories.
Schools are publicly shown to encourage ALL children and teenagers to 'aim high' and 'achieve their best', but surely this can not be beneficial for the country?
If all children were pushed to achieve fantastically academically, then the UK would wind up in a rather sticky situation. We need worker bees! People who aspire to very little and will happily serve their country by doing inane, seemingly dull or grubby tasks.
In other words, we need RETARDS! Not total retards, but humans of a minimal intelligence.
Now... the government highlights those who are deemed overachievers, with programmes such as 'Gifted and Talented' etc, but what about the other students?
Is it possible that they are taught enough to pass exams, yet there is some censored rule that prevents teachers from stimulating their minds? Education is practically spoonfed, atleast through GCSE level, numbing our brains. Boring people senseless and regurgitating them from the education system. Was this intended? Were they unknowingly brainwashed into thinking that they must escape and find another direction, only to be cast down into the cesspits of the lowest paid jobs possible? I'm sure that nobody truly aspires to empty out smelly bins, but somebody has to do it!
Obviously, I really have no idea where I am going with this whole idea, like always :)
But then this leads to the loophole of those lovely lovely people who spend their lives like parasites on benefits. They have never got anywhere in life, they failed to learn anything ever, and now they plan on making money by making babies.
Slutty Chav + Horny Chav + lack of sex ed + lack of braincells = Ickle Chavlets + easy moneys.
And then the cycle repeats from the offspring.
But - this can'nae be good from a political perspective!
Or can it? These people are loathed by society! They are classed even lower than those trapped in unpleasent careers. So, maybe, this is good, as it gives those working a common enemy. They all work, and continue to work, so to avoid being classed with these unGodly cretin.
Maybe its just the natural pecking order of things?
Ackkk - brain has frazzled a wee bit now, ideas are flitting by at a rapid pace, kind of like bumblebees on LSD. Now that would be a sight!
I'll give up on this post, as I guess it died long ago.
Niiiiiiight!
Sunday 19 July 2009
Yes... yes I am a retard
This is not good.
This is sooo not good that I may even classify it as..... bad.
A couple of days ago, my clumsy self succeeded in committing manslaughter.
My pooooor poor laptop is now lying, dejected and lifeless at a neighbours house, with little hope of repair.
No longer shall it whirr in protest to the heat.
No longer shall it fail to connect to my camera.
No longer shall it find lame excuses as to why Facebook is not available.
Ok.. So maybe it was technological rubbish, but it was my one and only link to cyberspace! And now, I've killed it. Killed it dead.
Actually, looking back - maybe it wasn't my fault....
Did it fall off the bed?
Did it jump?
Or was it pushed?
Urrrrrrrrrgh!! 'Tis so annoying!!
Yes, lack of laptop is bad. But more the fact that it is only a teensy problem that has left it comatosed. Just a tiny little malfunction in the little connnection thingy on the side and it is rendered useless. It's the equivalent of someone dying from an ingrown toenail!
What makes it worse is that I have no money for a new one or even the repair of this one.
:'(
^ See this face?
That's how lappy and I feel right now (although I'm not sure whether it was advanced enough to have emotions. Wouldn't it be odd if computers did though? I can imagine them getting frightfully upset when you click the 'remind me later' option on updates, or finding themselves deeply attracted to the printer or laminator. Oh. My. God! Red Dwarf... ((if you've watched it, think of Kryten and all the appliances......(((Toaster!))))) That would be pretty cool actually.....)
Teeeheeeee, I must go geek out in front of tacky sci fi comedies now to cheer myself up a wee bit.
ANYWAY!
I apologise in advance for the severe lack of posts and comments that you'll get from me for the next couple of weeks whilst all this computer business is sorted. Unfortunately the PC I'm on now is utter shite, has a grubby keyboard and takes hours and hours to load, so I'm going to have to be pretty darn board to resort to using it.
Hopefully all will be sorted A.Q.A.P.
AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE!
Pray for laptop?
Love you all.
This is sooo not good that I may even classify it as..... bad.
A couple of days ago, my clumsy self succeeded in committing manslaughter.
My pooooor poor laptop is now lying, dejected and lifeless at a neighbours house, with little hope of repair.
No longer shall it whirr in protest to the heat.
No longer shall it fail to connect to my camera.
No longer shall it find lame excuses as to why Facebook is not available.
Ok.. So maybe it was technological rubbish, but it was my one and only link to cyberspace! And now, I've killed it. Killed it dead.
Actually, looking back - maybe it wasn't my fault....
Did it fall off the bed?
Did it jump?
Or was it pushed?
Urrrrrrrrrgh!! 'Tis so annoying!!
Yes, lack of laptop is bad. But more the fact that it is only a teensy problem that has left it comatosed. Just a tiny little malfunction in the little connnection thingy on the side and it is rendered useless. It's the equivalent of someone dying from an ingrown toenail!
What makes it worse is that I have no money for a new one or even the repair of this one.
:'(
^ See this face?
That's how lappy and I feel right now (although I'm not sure whether it was advanced enough to have emotions. Wouldn't it be odd if computers did though? I can imagine them getting frightfully upset when you click the 'remind me later' option on updates, or finding themselves deeply attracted to the printer or laminator. Oh. My. God! Red Dwarf... ((if you've watched it, think of Kryten and all the appliances......(((Toaster!))))) That would be pretty cool actually.....)
Teeeheeeee, I must go geek out in front of tacky sci fi comedies now to cheer myself up a wee bit.
ANYWAY!
I apologise in advance for the severe lack of posts and comments that you'll get from me for the next couple of weeks whilst all this computer business is sorted. Unfortunately the PC I'm on now is utter shite, has a grubby keyboard and takes hours and hours to load, so I'm going to have to be pretty darn board to resort to using it.
Hopefully all will be sorted A.Q.A.P.
AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE!
Pray for laptop?
Love you all.
Sunday 12 July 2009
Dost thou BELIEVE???
Sooo, after roaming the dark, cavernous depths of facebook for an inhuman length of time, I was left pondering...
Now, Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering???
*ZONK*
Apparently, to be a cool kid, you no longer need to be high on weed, shagging the entire rugby team or out binge drinking every night. No, the key to coolness is now....
Brace yourself for it...
Prepare to be enlightened...
:)
.........CHRISTIANITY
And, yes, I am completely and utterly serious!
Evenings are not for partying, they are for Alpha - to become closer to God.
No more splurges in Topshop, oh no, they save up for that ultra holy, extra churchy, limited edition Bible!
Prayer is SEXY!
What happened?
Since when did such a vast amount of teenagers become so obsessed with religion?
Now, I have my own views and beliefs but I refuse to conform to a single point of view. I have nothing against Christianity, I am just so very confused about where all this came from.
Shouldn't us youths be out mocking the old fuddy duddy churchgoers?
Shouldn't we be rebelling - searching for something our 'rents won't approve of?
Is this a fad? Like pokemon or rubiks cubes?
Or have teenagers truly heard their divine calling?
I know I'm asking alot of questions, but this is something that has truly baffled me.
In fact I've been quite tempted at times to pop along to one of these Alpha meetings just to see what all of the fuss is about.
Maybe it is simply a local thing to wear I live, as I can hardly imagine the street corner chavs of Brum debating the plagues of Exodus 10.
I don't know. I just simply don't understand :S
Teeheee... I guess that was something I needed to get off my (unfortunately flat) chest.
Well, yesterday I had a visit from my top whore!
The tardy boy came over for an evening of muffin munching (actual blueberry muffins, that is) and pirate perving...
Despite his age, Johnny Depp is still something to look at! Yet you always feel kind of gross when you remember that he's the same age as the 'rents. Ew. It's a shame that Orlando is such monotonus git, otherwise I'm sure he could provide a decent distraction ;).
Mmmmm pirates....
Anyways, today I successfully slept in till 3.23 in the afternoon.
I was proud.
Toodles!!
Edit: And as if to confirm my musings about teenage religion, it seems that half of facebook is wittering excitedly about Bible Week. BIBLE WEEK?! ...what is the world coming to?
Now, Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering???
*ZONK*
Apparently, to be a cool kid, you no longer need to be high on weed, shagging the entire rugby team or out binge drinking every night. No, the key to coolness is now....
Brace yourself for it...
Prepare to be enlightened...
:)
.........CHRISTIANITY
And, yes, I am completely and utterly serious!
Evenings are not for partying, they are for Alpha - to become closer to God.
No more splurges in Topshop, oh no, they save up for that ultra holy, extra churchy, limited edition Bible!
Prayer is SEXY!
What happened?
Since when did such a vast amount of teenagers become so obsessed with religion?
Now, I have my own views and beliefs but I refuse to conform to a single point of view. I have nothing against Christianity, I am just so very confused about where all this came from.
Shouldn't us youths be out mocking the old fuddy duddy churchgoers?
Shouldn't we be rebelling - searching for something our 'rents won't approve of?
Is this a fad? Like pokemon or rubiks cubes?
Or have teenagers truly heard their divine calling?
I know I'm asking alot of questions, but this is something that has truly baffled me.
In fact I've been quite tempted at times to pop along to one of these Alpha meetings just to see what all of the fuss is about.
Maybe it is simply a local thing to wear I live, as I can hardly imagine the street corner chavs of Brum debating the plagues of Exodus 10.
I don't know. I just simply don't understand :S
Teeheee... I guess that was something I needed to get off my (unfortunately flat) chest.
Well, yesterday I had a visit from my top whore!
The tardy boy came over for an evening of muffin munching (actual blueberry muffins, that is) and pirate perving...
Despite his age, Johnny Depp is still something to look at! Yet you always feel kind of gross when you remember that he's the same age as the 'rents. Ew. It's a shame that Orlando is such monotonus git, otherwise I'm sure he could provide a decent distraction ;).
Mmmmm pirates....
Anyways, today I successfully slept in till 3.23 in the afternoon.
I was proud.
Toodles!!
Edit: And as if to confirm my musings about teenage religion, it seems that half of facebook is wittering excitedly about Bible Week. BIBLE WEEK?! ...what is the world coming to?
Saturday 4 July 2009
TBC
*Smiles in a sheepish manner and hesitantly taps at the neglected keyboard*
Once again I apologise sincerely for my utterly unforgivable long absense.
If you want my complete honesty, then my lack of posts has mainly been due to...
Dear Lord, I don't want to type this...
LAZINESS!!!!!
Yes, although I hate to admit it, I have succeeded in doing naff all for the past week or so. I have experienced the life of the slovenly and unemployed. If it hadn't have been due to induction, everday would have consisted of this:
Once again I apologise sincerely for my utterly unforgivable long absense.
If you want my complete honesty, then my lack of posts has mainly been due to...
Dear Lord, I don't want to type this...
LAZINESS!!!!!
Yes, although I hate to admit it, I have succeeded in doing naff all for the past week or so. I have experienced the life of the slovenly and unemployed. If it hadn't have been due to induction, everday would have consisted of this:
- Wake up
- Eat breakfast
- Go back to sleep
- Have some form of muller yoghurt product
- Watch a film
- Return to the depths of my darling duvet
Urrrrrrrrgh - absolutely appalling, don't you think?
Anywhooooo.....
Life is more exciting now!! Just the otherday, I was gifted an orgasmic present. One which requires a little sucking as foreplay. One which must be fingered, firmly but gently. One which requires a little lube to prevent damage when screwing. And the best part, ohh the best part..... is when you give it a good old blow.
;)
:P
:O
Noooooo noo noooo no NO! Shame on you for envisioning something rather X rated!! You dirty pervert...
It's an OBOE! (And a very good one at that) I will happily declare my undying love for such a wonderful instrument right here on the net. I am not ashamed! In fact it deserves a name.... any suggestions???
As it's been sixthform induction this week, I've been contemplating possible career ideas. Of course there's the usual, slightly dull ones : curator, historian, journalist.... Blah blah blah... total meh.
However, I have managed to come to the conclusion that the best job in the world must be:
Erotic novelist
I bullshit you not!
I would happily sign my life away to Mills & Boon if I would be paid good moneys to write:
His weathered palms gently caressed her plump breasts, his fingertips focussed on her....
Or
She used her tongue to torment and tease his already engorged...
Life would be so simple. Plus you could feel happy in the knowledge that your work literally brings pleasure to many a sex starved singleton and unhappy housewife across the country.
You would receive more respect and appreciation than Bob Geldof!
I wonder how you get into such an industry, in fact I might look it up. On second thought, no, maybe that would leave me scarred....
Ahem.
Well.
Errrr...
Now that I've shared that with you, how should I continue?
.
.
.
Ugly Betty!! Yes, everyone loves Ugly Betty!!!! Loving the Wilhelmina/Betty crossover thing, I laughed so hard, I might have wet myself a little... However, I was slightly disturbed by what happened to our lovely Scottish friend at the end of the last episode. STAY WITH US CHRISTINA!!!!
Oh dear - I have just realised that Wilhelmina is probably a name taken from the German Kaiser Wilhelm II (he was a sort of right wing dictator in WW1 ). Either that or it literally translates to 'protector', however, I think the former is way more suitable for the character at hand.
After just looking up and rereading that, I have truly realised what a geek I must seem.
Well...
I AM A GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
(And that is not about to change, my dearies)
A Bientot!!!!
Monday 22 June 2009
Bibbidy Bobbidy BOO!
And life is changed, with the flick of some old hags magical stick...
After flapping about like a derranged moth for the past month, what with the show and exams, it's utterly discombobulating to have nothing to do all of a sudden. Ha - as I type, there is a big ass moth repeatedly ramming itself against the window! What a tard!
Alas, I sympathise for the poor thing. It has only one ambition in life, yet it is one that it can never fulfill. They are born with the sole desire to rea - ---
SH*T there's one on my bed!!!!!!
Urrgghh - now it's on the lampshade...
Anyway, moths are constantly on a mission to reach the moon. They are so desperate to get to the moon that they are often misguided and confused by manmade light sources. Unfortunately, this is their tragic downfall as they fry themselves on the surface of a lightbulb. Martyrs for the moon. I can relate to them.
Back on topic! Yes, now I find myself at a loss. I'm bubbling, oozing and brimming with creativity and artistic inspiration yet know not where to begin. Plus there's the issue of next week...
Intake days. Don't get me wrong, it's terribly exciting, but I am petrified! Due to my being socially inadept, I always make the worst first impressions and it always comes back to haunt me. Yes, I realise I'm being pessimistic. I'll stop. Atleast I have a gorgeous new outfit for the occasion ^_^
One of my summery resolutions will be to write more! Plus I need to renew my art portfolio, it's been a little neglected recently - poor baby.
And I seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY need to do something about this nonexistent love life.
Will put actual plans up on blog at a later date :D
It has just struck midnight. I'm officially a pumpkin!!! And so are you.. muahahaaa
After flapping about like a derranged moth for the past month, what with the show and exams, it's utterly discombobulating to have nothing to do all of a sudden. Ha - as I type, there is a big ass moth repeatedly ramming itself against the window! What a tard!
Alas, I sympathise for the poor thing. It has only one ambition in life, yet it is one that it can never fulfill. They are born with the sole desire to rea - ---
SH*T there's one on my bed!!!!!!
Urrgghh - now it's on the lampshade...
Anyway, moths are constantly on a mission to reach the moon. They are so desperate to get to the moon that they are often misguided and confused by manmade light sources. Unfortunately, this is their tragic downfall as they fry themselves on the surface of a lightbulb. Martyrs for the moon. I can relate to them.
Back on topic! Yes, now I find myself at a loss. I'm bubbling, oozing and brimming with creativity and artistic inspiration yet know not where to begin. Plus there's the issue of next week...
Intake days. Don't get me wrong, it's terribly exciting, but I am petrified! Due to my being socially inadept, I always make the worst first impressions and it always comes back to haunt me. Yes, I realise I'm being pessimistic. I'll stop. Atleast I have a gorgeous new outfit for the occasion ^_^
One of my summery resolutions will be to write more! Plus I need to renew my art portfolio, it's been a little neglected recently - poor baby.
And I seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY need to do something about this nonexistent love life.
Will put actual plans up on blog at a later date :D
It has just struck midnight. I'm officially a pumpkin!!! And so are you.. muahahaaa
Thursday 11 June 2009
Je ne suis pas mort pourtant!!!!
Ah, yes, I have returned to the depths of blogspot after a blip in time and space caused me to be temporarily absent.
That and revision...
Consequently, I have spent an awful lot of time moping and complaining on facebook about that.
And as a result of all this internet exposure, I developed an addiction.
Hi, ..er... everyone, m-m-my name is ..um.. Dais, and I have an... addiction to..
*deep intake of breath*
... tetris.
(those present at this imaginary meeting are clapping sympathetically)...
Oh the joys of tetris! No posh graphics, no complicated plot and no need to worry that it will morph your mind into that of Hannibal Lecters. Just bricks. Colourful, misshapen bricks that fall steadily from the sky, ready to be sorted into lines and evaporated. Ahhh... delightful!
Today has been the end of an era for Roz and myself. Today was the last we ever spent doing history in the same room. I can't say I wasn't glad for the history exam to have finished (the revision for that was a total byatch!) but it saddens me a little to know that we shall never be able to giggle at Stefaniak babes again. Our future hopes of history together have been cruelly crushed by the major pile of merde that is JC.
I received a phonecall from the darling school a couple of days ago with appalling news.
'We're sorry, but despite the fact we told you everything was fine and dandy and that there could not possibly be any problems at all in the entirety of time and space, there has been a tiny woopsie with your options.
That is, you can't have them.'
Well, I was in such a state of shock I completely blacked out. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead.
THEY HAD IT COMING..THEY HAD IT COMING ALL ALONG.....
Hmm.... minor lapse into cell block tango!
But I was not impressed. After all this time, only now do they figure it out that there is an issue. Why not tell me sooner? Because they are stupid, pathetic excuses for people. End of.
Sooooo... now I have to go to a different sixth form!
Exciting!!!!!!
But tragic, as I will miss so many people whom I love so much. Especially Roz!! It's just going to be utterly bizarre doing history without her. (Although we have a blackberry plan.....)
Well, guess that about sums up the recent goings on! I shall not bore you with tales of exams and whatnot - nobody really cares about that to be honest.
And
now, I shall go and concentrate on biology.
That and revision...
Consequently, I have spent an awful lot of time moping and complaining on facebook about that.
And as a result of all this internet exposure, I developed an addiction.
Hi, ..er... everyone, m-m-my name is ..um.. Dais, and I have an... addiction to..
*deep intake of breath*
... tetris.
(those present at this imaginary meeting are clapping sympathetically)...
Oh the joys of tetris! No posh graphics, no complicated plot and no need to worry that it will morph your mind into that of Hannibal Lecters. Just bricks. Colourful, misshapen bricks that fall steadily from the sky, ready to be sorted into lines and evaporated. Ahhh... delightful!
Today has been the end of an era for Roz and myself. Today was the last we ever spent doing history in the same room. I can't say I wasn't glad for the history exam to have finished (the revision for that was a total byatch!) but it saddens me a little to know that we shall never be able to giggle at Stefaniak babes again. Our future hopes of history together have been cruelly crushed by the major pile of merde that is JC.
I received a phonecall from the darling school a couple of days ago with appalling news.
'We're sorry, but despite the fact we told you everything was fine and dandy and that there could not possibly be any problems at all in the entirety of time and space, there has been a tiny woopsie with your options.
That is, you can't have them.'
Well, I was in such a state of shock I completely blacked out. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead.
THEY HAD IT COMING..THEY HAD IT COMING ALL ALONG.....
Hmm.... minor lapse into cell block tango!
But I was not impressed. After all this time, only now do they figure it out that there is an issue. Why not tell me sooner? Because they are stupid, pathetic excuses for people. End of.
Sooooo... now I have to go to a different sixth form!
Exciting!!!!!!
But tragic, as I will miss so many people whom I love so much. Especially Roz!! It's just going to be utterly bizarre doing history without her. (Although we have a blackberry plan.....)
Well, guess that about sums up the recent goings on! I shall not bore you with tales of exams and whatnot - nobody really cares about that to be honest.
And
now, I shall go and concentrate on biology.
To infinity and beyoooooooooond!!!!!
Thursday 4 June 2009
Shut up and bounce!
Dear people of the free world,
Today I shall address a very serious issue, an issue far greater than war or famine.
Today, I shall spare your souls by preaching to you the dangers of...
The humble trampoline.
But surely, I hear you cry, what harm can come from a spring loaded sheet of woven plastic suspended by metal tubes?
Pahaa...
I laugh at your innocence!
As I type, a dear friend of mine is in agony somewhere. Somewhere, he is high on drugs as a pathetic attempt to lighten his suffering.... all due to the trampoline which resides in the back garden of a friends maison. We were merrily propelling ourselves from one side to the other, running back and forth, defying gravity and screaming with joy.
No, wait, that wasn't joy...
CRRAAAACCKKKK!
He falls to the floor (which promptly springs him back up again) obviously in pain.
In a last act of desperation, he pulls himself across and off the beast and proceeds to hobble over the lawn.
Ice is clutched to his ankle.
But, it is too late.
With one final expulsion of life, he utters:
"Avenge me"
And slumps to the cold, uncaring ground.*
Trampolines kill innocent teenagers!!
*Note to readers - there may have been a teensy little bit of exaggeration slipped in there somewhere... Don't panic though!! I got a text from him whilst he was at A&E complainig that the offending ankle 'has swollen up to the size of a lesbian'. Poor thing.
But, yes, it was on GMTV just this morning about the dangers of trampolining and having fun. We laughed. We ignored their pleas for following health and safety regulations. And now we know.
In the future, we must always solemnly heed the warnings expressed on ITV breakfast programmes. Amen.
Anyways - stay safe and peace out!!
:)
Tomorrow I may tell you about the wonders of Big Brother ^_^..... won't that be a treat?!
Today I shall address a very serious issue, an issue far greater than war or famine.
Today, I shall spare your souls by preaching to you the dangers of...
The humble trampoline.
But surely, I hear you cry, what harm can come from a spring loaded sheet of woven plastic suspended by metal tubes?
Pahaa...
I laugh at your innocence!
As I type, a dear friend of mine is in agony somewhere. Somewhere, he is high on drugs as a pathetic attempt to lighten his suffering.... all due to the trampoline which resides in the back garden of a friends maison. We were merrily propelling ourselves from one side to the other, running back and forth, defying gravity and screaming with joy.
No, wait, that wasn't joy...
CRRAAAACCKKKK!
He falls to the floor (which promptly springs him back up again) obviously in pain.
In a last act of desperation, he pulls himself across and off the beast and proceeds to hobble over the lawn.
Ice is clutched to his ankle.
But, it is too late.
With one final expulsion of life, he utters:
"Avenge me"
And slumps to the cold, uncaring ground.*
Trampolines kill innocent teenagers!!
*Note to readers - there may have been a teensy little bit of exaggeration slipped in there somewhere... Don't panic though!! I got a text from him whilst he was at A&E complainig that the offending ankle 'has swollen up to the size of a lesbian'. Poor thing.
But, yes, it was on GMTV just this morning about the dangers of trampolining and having fun. We laughed. We ignored their pleas for following health and safety regulations. And now we know.
In the future, we must always solemnly heed the warnings expressed on ITV breakfast programmes. Amen.
Anyways - stay safe and peace out!!
:)
Tomorrow I may tell you about the wonders of Big Brother ^_^..... won't that be a treat?!
Tuesday 2 June 2009
Modern education
You know what?
After months of ceaseless worrying about the future, I'm just going to stop.
It doesn't matter what happens with exams, or whether I offend some randomer in the street.
So why have I been panicking about every tiny little iddy biddy thing for so long?
I'm going to make a point of not thinking to hard about stuff that's simply going to bring me down. I'm going to abandon my history revision for a wee while, wack on loud music and have a manic session of looney dancing.
It's a plan!
Just think of the lyrics to Defying Gravity from Wicked and you'll know what sort of mindset I'm in right now. Unfortunately, there will be no amazingly interesting and intriguing stories/musings/poems until atleast after the English exam on Thursday :(
But don't cry!
It will be good.
After months of ceaseless worrying about the future, I'm just going to stop.
It doesn't matter what happens with exams, or whether I offend some randomer in the street.
So why have I been panicking about every tiny little iddy biddy thing for so long?
I'm going to make a point of not thinking to hard about stuff that's simply going to bring me down. I'm going to abandon my history revision for a wee while, wack on loud music and have a manic session of looney dancing.
It's a plan!
Just think of the lyrics to Defying Gravity from Wicked and you'll know what sort of mindset I'm in right now. Unfortunately, there will be no amazingly interesting and intriguing stories/musings/poems until atleast after the English exam on Thursday :(
But don't cry!
It will be good.
Monday 1 June 2009
Life? What life?
Oh dear, I seem to have been lacking in the recent posts department. Even this titchy little non post is the love child of a couple of minutes stolen from that endless sea of...
History revision.
Stefaniaks very own 'final solution'.
Those who she saw as weak were killed off a long time by coursework, those of us who survived 'The Schlieffen Plan' and 'Prohibition' are now subject to hours of painstakingly memorising obscure dates and events. This is our slave labour.
And, on Wednesday 3rd of June, we shall then be taken to the gas chambers of education. We shall be taken to the German Depth Study exam.
Hopefully my indepth knowledge on Adolf Elizabeth Hitlers bollock will pay off....
Well, aside from l'histoire, its not been a bad week ^_^
On Thursday I ventured into the depths of Brummyland with fellow explorer Rozz. We caffeinated ourselves silly with Starbucks and then climbed our way to the top floor of Selfridges in FOUR INCH HEELS!!!!
The relief when we escaped the shop and shoes was orgasmic.
I have savoured the delightful account of the 'bumsweat' train journey and it will no doubt be up here on a blog in the not so distant future
Sorry, if this was all a bit meh..... I just didnt want you to forget me! ^_^
Toodles!
History revision.
Stefaniaks very own 'final solution'.
Those who she saw as weak were killed off a long time by coursework, those of us who survived 'The Schlieffen Plan' and 'Prohibition' are now subject to hours of painstakingly memorising obscure dates and events. This is our slave labour.
And, on Wednesday 3rd of June, we shall then be taken to the gas chambers of education. We shall be taken to the German Depth Study exam.
Hopefully my indepth knowledge on Adolf Elizabeth Hitlers bollock will pay off....
Well, aside from l'histoire, its not been a bad week ^_^
On Thursday I ventured into the depths of Brummyland with fellow explorer Rozz. We caffeinated ourselves silly with Starbucks and then climbed our way to the top floor of Selfridges in FOUR INCH HEELS!!!!
The relief when we escaped the shop and shoes was orgasmic.
I have savoured the delightful account of the 'bumsweat' train journey and it will no doubt be up here on a blog in the not so distant future
Sorry, if this was all a bit meh..... I just didnt want you to forget me! ^_^
Toodles!
Tuesday 26 May 2009
Historic Love
My dear Stefaniak,
Where's your clit?
The husband can'nae locate it.
He brandished shears and secateurs
Yet naught could overcome such fur!
He even tried to tame the fur
By off''ring sacrifices.
But the complex ploy had no avail
And failed like other devices.
One day whilst trooping through the forest
He came across a droplet.
Well, not a droplet more a pond
And a single hair of palest blond.
'What blasphemy is this?!' he cried,
'Stefaniak babes has told me lies!'
And so he took his life and died
Within that curly jungle.
Oblivious to her husbands demise,
Stefaniak rose up to her knees
Emitting a deep and throaty growl.
Up sprang a being so hideously foul
With hair that shone like winter Sun.
Slathering and salivating,
Bubbling and spraying,
Dribbling and splashing
Two became one.
This dedicated to Rozz! I totally blame her for my distorted mind ^_^
Please see http://orgasmsavailablehere.blogspot.com/!!
Revision or ramblings....
Revision and exams should be obsolete in this day and age.
Gcses have been rendered totally irrelevant due to the beautiful existence of the internet!
You certainly do not need to memorise the names and dates of historic battles when you could simply type the query into google and receive 14,345,693 search results in 0.13 seconds.
So why should teenagers have their youth and vitality leeched from them by crusty exam boards?
Instead of soaking up seemingly pointless facts, the young of today should be taught skills. Trades, arts, logic! Teachers should focus on nurturing talent instead of ramming useless knowledge into our unresponsive craniums. Yet, for some reason, they still insist that it is vital for us to remember just how many moles Hitler posessed on his remaining right testicle.*
And yes, Hitler did only have the one. The left was blown off in the Battle of the Somme.
You see! There it is again! Pointless piddly pockets of information that can only ever be of use while playing along with QI or University Challenge. (As a self proclaiming geek, I confess to both acts of dorkdom :) )
Well... I guess I'm just bitter! And I apologise about how this has blatantly transformed into a rambling criticism.
I seriously ought to return to the conglomerate of history notes that await me on my bed. For any other girl there would be a hot boyfriend waiting for them, but for me? Textbooks. Says it all.
You know, maybe I'm just tetchy because I'm not getting any...
Aahhh, you see, this is what they do not teach you at school. This is where they are all going hideously wrong!
There should be classes in 'The Art of Seduction' and, for the more mature students, courses in the 'Karma Sutra'. The meaning of life has never been 42.... it's to create more life! So, why are we not taught the best way of going about it?
And pleasure. You only live once, for goodness sake, so stop being so darn embarassed about enjoying yourself. I would giggle so much if they taught w*nking tips at school.... or lectures on 'How to give good head' and 'Where the hecky is my clitoris?'
People should be more open about there sex lives.
I have just realised how explicitly off topic my supposedly innocent rant about revision appears to have become. Ah well... I don't care!! It's obviously something I want to tap about :)
Maybe it's just the British who are so incredibly introverted.
You can hardly imagine the Queen giving any juicy details about the rumpy pumpy between her and the hubby.
'After one retires to ones bedroom having enjoyed a simply charming afternoon tea in the parlour, one reaches one's climax rather swiftly. However, if Prince Philip attempts anymore of his frivolous 'games', one will not be amused.'
On second thoughts, that is far too disturbing. Too many wrinkles. Ew.
I have no idea if it is possible to conclude these musings simply. So I won't.
Pahaa - it's irrelevent to everything but I'll post it anyway. I BLAME REVISION FOR DISTORTING MY THOUGHTS!!!!!!!
^_^
Gooooooood night people of the world!
Enjoy sex!
*if you wish to know anymore about Hitler's bollock, follow this link! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitler_Has_Only_Got_One_Ball
Gcses have been rendered totally irrelevant due to the beautiful existence of the internet!
You certainly do not need to memorise the names and dates of historic battles when you could simply type the query into google and receive 14,345,693 search results in 0.13 seconds.
So why should teenagers have their youth and vitality leeched from them by crusty exam boards?
Instead of soaking up seemingly pointless facts, the young of today should be taught skills. Trades, arts, logic! Teachers should focus on nurturing talent instead of ramming useless knowledge into our unresponsive craniums. Yet, for some reason, they still insist that it is vital for us to remember just how many moles Hitler posessed on his remaining right testicle.*
And yes, Hitler did only have the one. The left was blown off in the Battle of the Somme.
You see! There it is again! Pointless piddly pockets of information that can only ever be of use while playing along with QI or University Challenge. (As a self proclaiming geek, I confess to both acts of dorkdom :) )
Well... I guess I'm just bitter! And I apologise about how this has blatantly transformed into a rambling criticism.
I seriously ought to return to the conglomerate of history notes that await me on my bed. For any other girl there would be a hot boyfriend waiting for them, but for me? Textbooks. Says it all.
You know, maybe I'm just tetchy because I'm not getting any...
Aahhh, you see, this is what they do not teach you at school. This is where they are all going hideously wrong!
There should be classes in 'The Art of Seduction' and, for the more mature students, courses in the 'Karma Sutra'. The meaning of life has never been 42.... it's to create more life! So, why are we not taught the best way of going about it?
And pleasure. You only live once, for goodness sake, so stop being so darn embarassed about enjoying yourself. I would giggle so much if they taught w*nking tips at school.... or lectures on 'How to give good head' and 'Where the hecky is my clitoris?'
People should be more open about there sex lives.
I have just realised how explicitly off topic my supposedly innocent rant about revision appears to have become. Ah well... I don't care!! It's obviously something I want to tap about :)
Maybe it's just the British who are so incredibly introverted.
You can hardly imagine the Queen giving any juicy details about the rumpy pumpy between her and the hubby.
'After one retires to ones bedroom having enjoyed a simply charming afternoon tea in the parlour, one reaches one's climax rather swiftly. However, if Prince Philip attempts anymore of his frivolous 'games', one will not be amused.'
On second thoughts, that is far too disturbing. Too many wrinkles. Ew.
I have no idea if it is possible to conclude these musings simply. So I won't.
Pahaa - it's irrelevent to everything but I'll post it anyway. I BLAME REVISION FOR DISTORTING MY THOUGHTS!!!!!!!
^_^
Gooooooood night people of the world!
Enjoy sex!
*if you wish to know anymore about Hitler's bollock, follow this link! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitler_Has_Only_Got_One_Ball
Monday 25 May 2009
Dreeaaming?
Dreams are odd.
Odd is an understatement.
Dreams are total mindf*cks!!
Okay, so as you know I am a total whore for philosophy and the hamster powering my mind is high on proplus. So... what if dreams are simply another reality? Or maybe the dreamworld is reality and vica versa?
Ha. Now you're thinking.
Well, I'm going to tell you about a dream I vividly remember from the other night...
We were going to the theatre. Not sure what we planned on going to see but I was certain that it was something fancy because we were all swamped in fancy threads. Initially, there were three of us; W, S and myself. This merry trio were happily stepping in time down a narrow Venetian street with assymetric paving slabs, Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmscrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!!!!
It's J, someone who I have never really spoken to. Someone who I don't care for, but see most day in my geek classes.
J declares undying love and compassion for W, eyes alight with the burning flame of romance.
W is totally bemused and ambles over to me. Tbh, W thought J was a homo. For some reason, S is riddled with jealousy.
And then...
I suddenly feel incredibly self concious. I scanned the area, desperate for some kind of scarf or covering. R has appeared by my side, her face decorated in moustache, beard, monobrow and spectacles identical to how S and I once drew on her at a sleepover. A flash of inspiration! I peel off Rs monobrow and plaster it to my own forehead... in order to cover up the line of nine protruding eyeballs! Was I the only person who thought this to be obscure? Everyone was laughing at some unknown joke. We all clamber into the back of Js iddy biddy automobile. Nobody's at the wheel, but it didn't seem to matter.
All of a sudden we are at a showcase cinema. We buy our tickets in a vaguely conventional manner and then take our places in the ampitheatre....
~##~~Blurry blurry fuzz fuzz!!!!~~##~
Oh my God I had a monobrow! No, wait, Oh MY GOD I had nine eyeballs on my forehead!! OMFG J was hitting on W!!!
In real life, none of this could EVER happen. Of course, that is only if we are living in what we presume to be reality. What I'm writing here could simply be a figment of either your overactive sleeping imagination or mine!
So, if dreams are reality, then does it matter what you say or do when you are awake?
Wouldn't it be so nice never to worry about anything you do because you know it's not real?
You would be happier.
I think.
But then, I'm kind of disturbed by 'reality' if it involves 9 protuding eyeballs on my fod...
It was nice musing with you!
^_^
Odd is an understatement.
Dreams are total mindf*cks!!
Okay, so as you know I am a total whore for philosophy and the hamster powering my mind is high on proplus. So... what if dreams are simply another reality? Or maybe the dreamworld is reality and vica versa?
Ha. Now you're thinking.
Well, I'm going to tell you about a dream I vividly remember from the other night...
We were going to the theatre. Not sure what we planned on going to see but I was certain that it was something fancy because we were all swamped in fancy threads. Initially, there were three of us; W, S and myself. This merry trio were happily stepping in time down a narrow Venetian street with assymetric paving slabs, Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmscrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!!!!
It's J, someone who I have never really spoken to. Someone who I don't care for, but see most day in my geek classes.
J declares undying love and compassion for W, eyes alight with the burning flame of romance.
W is totally bemused and ambles over to me. Tbh, W thought J was a homo. For some reason, S is riddled with jealousy.
And then...
I suddenly feel incredibly self concious. I scanned the area, desperate for some kind of scarf or covering. R has appeared by my side, her face decorated in moustache, beard, monobrow and spectacles identical to how S and I once drew on her at a sleepover. A flash of inspiration! I peel off Rs monobrow and plaster it to my own forehead... in order to cover up the line of nine protruding eyeballs! Was I the only person who thought this to be obscure? Everyone was laughing at some unknown joke. We all clamber into the back of Js iddy biddy automobile. Nobody's at the wheel, but it didn't seem to matter.
All of a sudden we are at a showcase cinema. We buy our tickets in a vaguely conventional manner and then take our places in the ampitheatre....
~##~~Blurry blurry fuzz fuzz!!!!~~##~
Oh my God I had a monobrow! No, wait, Oh MY GOD I had nine eyeballs on my forehead!! OMFG J was hitting on W!!!
In real life, none of this could EVER happen. Of course, that is only if we are living in what we presume to be reality. What I'm writing here could simply be a figment of either your overactive sleeping imagination or mine!
So, if dreams are reality, then does it matter what you say or do when you are awake?
Wouldn't it be so nice never to worry about anything you do because you know it's not real?
You would be happier.
I think.
But then, I'm kind of disturbed by 'reality' if it involves 9 protuding eyeballs on my fod...
It was nice musing with you!
^_^
Sunday 24 May 2009
Cyber Stalking
*POP*
G says: hey!
*POP*
G says: hi?
*POP*
G says: .....
*POP*
G says: helo? daisyroo?
*POP*
G says: u ther?
*POP*
G says: wuu2?
*POP*POP*POP*POP*POP*POP*POP*POP*
Oh dear, it's 10.30, your tired, irritable and only stumbled on facebook in order to respond to a comment on your status...
You've already blocked dear G from contacting you on msn, yet somehow he hasn't gotten the hint yet :S. Poor G, he's not quite grasped the
idea that he is the bane of your internet existence.
Sure, the lad means well. He has good intentions. He's probably just trying to be nice.
Should you reply? Or simply feign ignorance?
*POP*
There it goes again! What could he possibly want?
G says: thanx so much 4 helpin me the other day :)
Well, that's nice; maybe you should respond...
Dais says: You're welcome, G. :D
There, simple, you've not said anything that could possibly provoke or lead him on.
G says: tht was so gd of u! i shall hve 2 repay u i shal tke u out 4 a meal.
Dais says: Honestly, it was nothing. Don't worry about it! :)
G says: No i wnt to repay u. i cud be ur slave :P
Dais says: WTF?
G says: yh, il b ur slave 4 the day. il do whteva u wnt me 2 ;)
Dais says: ........
G says: LET ME B UR SLAVE!!!
You cast your wild eyes round in desperation, hopelessly searching for a way out, tryi-
*POP*
C says: omg! u wudnt believe it but B kissd a gal @ elements last night and they were snoggin aand i was realli upset cos i cud well hav been his gf but she dint stop to fink of dat at all so i left. i just left and went to the sofas and omg they folloed me ther nd i got so upset and left the place i just left cos it was so insensative wht they did i cudnt stand it and OMG elements r doin a prom for leavers its 5 quid we shud make leaflets to make evryone go nd i thnk W said mayb shed go and u shud come to its on july 10th please say ull go plz plz plz ........................
Oh dear Lord, you just want to go to sleep!!
Everytime you pop on facebook you are subject to an onslaught of illegible word vomit from people who you neither like nor care for. It sounds harsh... but they never give up!
They type and type and type endless amounts of gabble until the *POP*s begin to resemble the sweet sound of machine gun fire.
You find yourself carefully scanning the chat list before you dare continue your route through the depths of sunny cyberspace.
You live in fear for your internet social life as these parasites storm your browser.
You panic. Your breathing becomes shallower, faster. The hairs on your arm stand on end.
You SCREAM!!!
Cyberstalking...
Don't do it children.
Okay, so I'll admit that this post got a little strange towards the end... I think I am exhausted from a hectic day of theatre and the family :)
But still, my own personal cyberstalkers deserve restraining orders! They simply won't p*ss off!! Yes, this is developing into a rant... but I'm sure there are lots of others in a similar situation.
This post is based on a true story experienced by moi tonight.
(In the words of Mrs Wesley-Gibbs)
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
Night night xx
G says: hey!
*POP*
G says: hi?
*POP*
G says: .....
*POP*
G says: helo? daisyroo?
*POP*
G says: u ther?
*POP*
G says: wuu2?
*POP*POP*POP*POP*POP*POP*POP*POP*
Oh dear, it's 10.30, your tired, irritable and only stumbled on facebook in order to respond to a comment on your status...
You've already blocked dear G from contacting you on msn, yet somehow he hasn't gotten the hint yet :S. Poor G, he's not quite grasped the
idea that he is the bane of your internet existence.Sure, the lad means well. He has good intentions. He's probably just trying to be nice.
Should you reply? Or simply feign ignorance?
*POP*
There it goes again! What could he possibly want?
G says: thanx so much 4 helpin me the other day :)
Well, that's nice; maybe you should respond...
Dais says: You're welcome, G. :D
There, simple, you've not said anything that could possibly provoke or lead him on.
G says: tht was so gd of u! i shall hve 2 repay u i shal tke u out 4 a meal.
Dais says: Honestly, it was nothing. Don't worry about it! :)
G says: No i wnt to repay u. i cud be ur slave :P
Dais says: WTF?
G says: yh, il b ur slave 4 the day. il do whteva u wnt me 2 ;)
Dais says: ........
G says: LET ME B UR SLAVE!!!
You cast your wild eyes round in desperation, hopelessly searching for a way out, tryi-
*POP*
C says: omg! u wudnt believe it but B kissd a gal @ elements last night and they were snoggin aand i was realli upset cos i cud well hav been his gf but she dint stop to fink of dat at all so i left. i just left and went to the sofas and omg they folloed me ther nd i got so upset and left the place i just left cos it was so insensative wht they did i cudnt stand it and OMG elements r doin a prom for leavers its 5 quid we shud make leaflets to make evryone go nd i thnk W said mayb shed go and u shud come to its on july 10th please say ull go plz plz plz ........................
Oh dear Lord, you just want to go to sleep!!
Everytime you pop on facebook you are subject to an onslaught of illegible word vomit from people who you neither like nor care for. It sounds harsh... but they never give up!
They type and type and type endless amounts of gabble until the *POP*s begin to resemble the sweet sound of machine gun fire.
You find yourself carefully scanning the chat list before you dare continue your route through the depths of sunny cyberspace.
You live in fear for your internet social life as these parasites storm your browser.
You panic. Your breathing becomes shallower, faster. The hairs on your arm stand on end.
You SCREAM!!!
Cyberstalking...
Don't do it children.
Okay, so I'll admit that this post got a little strange towards the end... I think I am exhausted from a hectic day of theatre and the family :)
But still, my own personal cyberstalkers deserve restraining orders! They simply won't p*ss off!! Yes, this is developing into a rant... but I'm sure there are lots of others in a similar situation.
This post is based on a true story experienced by moi tonight.
(In the words of Mrs Wesley-Gibbs)
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
Night night xx
Saturday 23 May 2009
Lets get PHILOSPHICAL!!
I love Philosophy!
Okay, scrap that...
I love asking Pointless Questions!
Well, the current theory plaguing my restless cranium is the 'Brain In A Vat'. This is basically the idea that reality is simply a figment of our overly stimulated imaginations and that, instead of being fully fledged human beings, we are, in fact, brains residing in vats of nutrience.
Scary stuff, huh?
But it makes sense!
Focus on your hand. Observe the patterns on your skin; wrinkles and moles and hairs e.t.c.
Flex it. Poke someone with it. Do whatever you like.
And then think, 'How is all of this happening?'
If your brain controls what you see, feel, do and believe, then what is to say that you haven't just imagined everything you have just done?
Ok, so we've established the theory itself, now lets start delving!
Why would we all imagine the same thing?
Hmm... I have two ideas!
Its possible that everything that ever happens is simply confined to your own unique brain, suggesting that you have created a whole universe to satisfy your ravenous mind. Well, congratulations! If that is the case then you would need a force that was pretty powerful.
But I think that all sounds a little lonely.
So, I would prefer to think that our envatted brains are all being nourished on the same fluid diet and are receiving equal electrical pulses. This would mean that we have all 'imagined' ourselves into the exact same world but, as every brain is unique, we have all taken the form of many individual homosapiens.
It's a funky hypothesis ^_^
Sooooo, if we 'imagined' ourselves here... Why does it suck? :/
Ha! Well, I guess wherever these brains may be, there must be something or someone that put them there. It is very possible that our lives are being manipulated by a bunch of alien like existences. Therefore, they would be the ones deciding what sort of nutritional liquid we must receive and seeing what our brains respond to best. Of course, they would experiment with slight variations either per brain or time or whatever and these would provoke such emotional reactions from time to time. And the brains would think stuff up for themselves too....
It's worrying to envision how we became brains in vats in the first place.
And what is the purpose of a group of aliens storing approximately six billion brains?
And, if you had that many brains, where the hecky would you put them?
MmmmmMmmmm Brains!
I'm going to stop on that note before my own brain overheats!
However, if you have any ideas/questions/comments then feel free to abuse me until I give a palletable response.
TTFN!
(omg - I am sooo proud! My first real post!!)
^_^
Good Morning Starbucks.....
Facebook, Bebo, Myspace - I have them all!
However, today I was informed of the delights of blogging...
'Blogging?! Why, that's sheer liquid wonderment!' I mused whilst shovelling down dorayaki in Yo! Sushi.
So, here I am:
Young, ambitious and addicted to coffee ^_^
So what do I write on here?
A miscellaneous collection of ramblings and rantings?
Confessions of love and life?
Philosophical explorations?
Stay tuned!
Or die.
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