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Friday 31 July 2009
Thursday 30 July 2009
Tweet tweet!!
Heheee!!
I have discovered many lovely things today.
Many heavenly, orgasmically thrilling experiences...
1. Twitter. I LOVE THIS! I am now officially stalking Stephen Fry! Can you not feel the excitement being exuded by my inner geek? STEPHEN FRY! He is a legend, an idol, a comedic genius. I also plan on using it for hunting down lots of talented, successful artsy types in due time.
2. Coco Rocks. Thankyou, my darling Reginald, you have got me hooked. I find myself, even now, lusting over those iddy biddy pockets of chocolatey goodness. Ommnommmm :P
3. PSYCHOVILLE. Orgasmically good. Disturbing, unnerving and rather perturbing but utterly thrilling. Very League of Gentlemen. Very dark. Exquisitely funny!
4. Mobile internet. On my old brick? Yes! I can tweet on it :)
Teheee... So most of the day was consumed by psychoville with Reginald and S. Hardly wasted, a mon avis
Now I need to choose a new phone, as I am determined to update myself techonologically with the money expected from GCSE results (totally dreading!). A blackberry would be AWESOME, but I'm considering an LG Viewty or a Samsung Tocco Light... not sure..
Bon Nuit!!
I have discovered many lovely things today.
Many heavenly, orgasmically thrilling experiences...
1. Twitter. I LOVE THIS! I am now officially stalking Stephen Fry! Can you not feel the excitement being exuded by my inner geek? STEPHEN FRY! He is a legend, an idol, a comedic genius. I also plan on using it for hunting down lots of talented, successful artsy types in due time.
2. Coco Rocks. Thankyou, my darling Reginald, you have got me hooked. I find myself, even now, lusting over those iddy biddy pockets of chocolatey goodness. Ommnommmm :P
3. PSYCHOVILLE. Orgasmically good. Disturbing, unnerving and rather perturbing but utterly thrilling. Very League of Gentlemen. Very dark. Exquisitely funny!
4. Mobile internet. On my old brick? Yes! I can tweet on it :)
Teheee... So most of the day was consumed by psychoville with Reginald and S. Hardly wasted, a mon avis
Now I need to choose a new phone, as I am determined to update myself techonologically with the money expected from GCSE results (totally dreading!). A blackberry would be AWESOME, but I'm considering an LG Viewty or a Samsung Tocco Light... not sure..
Bon Nuit!!
Wednesday 29 July 2009
What's on the a-gender?
Oh yes.. I am still here, still not dead and still pondering the mysteries of life :)
SO - Thought for the day!
Are men and women truly equal??
Is equality possible?
And should they be eqaul?
I pinky swear that I shan't turn this into a psychotic feminist rant!
Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!
Ok, so here we go...
There are obvious physical differences: bollocks and boobies e.t.c.
And obvious hormonal ones, oestrogen and testosterone. Obvious obvious obvious!
Don't worry, I'm not the British Education System and will not bore you with stuff you already know. Or would I? Muahahaahahaa- No.
Socially, men and women are about as equal as... well they're not!
For example: if a woman grows old without marrying, she must be either a 'spinster' or a psychotic bitch. It is hardly fair that a man remaining single earns himself the title of 'bachelor'. Bachelor sounds... well, nice! It suggests the guy is happy, content and respectable. A spinster is a crazy old cat woman, who takes pleasure in screeching inane babble at passers by and frightening small children.
There is a similar issue when stereotyping homosexuals. A gay guy is automatically fun, intelligent, witty and fashionable whereas a lesbian is suggested to be mannish, unattractive and to have an unhealthy fondness for ugly shoes.
And finally, on this topic, a girl who is surrounded by guys is automatically a 'slut' or a 'whore' as opposed to a guy who may be seen simply as 'a bit of a player'.
Okies so lets flip the pancake :)
Guys can get it tough too!
It may sound ironic but, due to all the effort that is constantly being taken out to make sure that women are getting lots of oppurtunities in work and play, men are often finding themselves at a disadvantage. They are always left out and expected to accept it on the terms of 'equality'. Harsh? Yes.
Also, when it comes to insurance, men are always stereotyped as angry boyracers and forced to pay a hideous amount to cover their cars. There ain't no guys allowed in Sheila's Wheels! In fact,
there are many groups dedicated to women only, yet not so much for men.
OH! And serious peer pressure to be all big and manly, when secretly they just want a hug.
Arwwwww
Poor men.
PLUS, guys have to spend lots of time worrying about the size of their *ahem* noses...
Is it big enough?
Is it too big?
What about girth?
OMG is that a WART????
Too hairy?
Bollock shaving?!
Bollock EPILATING??!! (Apparently that has been known to happen...)
Not that they have anywhere as near as much to worry about as girls do :)
I shan't go into detail... but flabby, flappy vaginas aren't the most reassuring of body parts when it comes to self esteem and whatever. And boobs. And periods. And other random body issues.
Here's something I believe to be unfair:
MASTURBATION!!
It's easy for guys, everything is right there in front of them!!
Girls are far more complicated.... clitoral stimulation... g spots... apparently there is a specific technique involved... 'come hither' motion....
And porn is all aimed at men!
But girls have more fun in the long run, I reckon, they can get away with more :D
Apart from childbirth.
JOBS?
Well, I don't see it as unfair that most of the 'top jobs' are occupied by men... 'cos they must be the dullest professions ever created. They simply ooze blandness.
Plus, most women will have become incredibly maternal or have forgotten the condom at some stage before the time they reach 30. Ahoy maternity leave and housewife syndrome!
I'll round this up
I'll stop rambling
In short:
Women and men will never truly be equal because they are way too different! Equality can never be possible as there will always be some form of discrimination and/or selectivity.
Feel free to add any contributions, my lovelies :)
SO - Thought for the day!
Are men and women truly equal??
Is equality possible?
And should they be eqaul?
I pinky swear that I shan't turn this into a psychotic feminist rant!
Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!
Ok, so here we go...
There are obvious physical differences: bollocks and boobies e.t.c.
And obvious hormonal ones, oestrogen and testosterone. Obvious obvious obvious!
Don't worry, I'm not the British Education System and will not bore you with stuff you already know. Or would I? Muahahaahahaa- No.
Socially, men and women are about as equal as... well they're not!
For example: if a woman grows old without marrying, she must be either a 'spinster' or a psychotic bitch. It is hardly fair that a man remaining single earns himself the title of 'bachelor'. Bachelor sounds... well, nice! It suggests the guy is happy, content and respectable. A spinster is a crazy old cat woman, who takes pleasure in screeching inane babble at passers by and frightening small children.
There is a similar issue when stereotyping homosexuals. A gay guy is automatically fun, intelligent, witty and fashionable whereas a lesbian is suggested to be mannish, unattractive and to have an unhealthy fondness for ugly shoes.
And finally, on this topic, a girl who is surrounded by guys is automatically a 'slut' or a 'whore' as opposed to a guy who may be seen simply as 'a bit of a player'.
Okies so lets flip the pancake :)
Guys can get it tough too!
It may sound ironic but, due to all the effort that is constantly being taken out to make sure that women are getting lots of oppurtunities in work and play, men are often finding themselves at a disadvantage. They are always left out and expected to accept it on the terms of 'equality'. Harsh? Yes.
Also, when it comes to insurance, men are always stereotyped as angry boyracers and forced to pay a hideous amount to cover their cars. There ain't no guys allowed in Sheila's Wheels! In fact,
there are many groups dedicated to women only, yet not so much for men.
OH! And serious peer pressure to be all big and manly, when secretly they just want a hug.
Arwwwww
Poor men.
PLUS, guys have to spend lots of time worrying about the size of their *ahem* noses...
Is it big enough?
Is it too big?
What about girth?
OMG is that a WART????
Too hairy?
Bollock shaving?!
Bollock EPILATING??!! (Apparently that has been known to happen...)
Not that they have anywhere as near as much to worry about as girls do :)
I shan't go into detail... but flabby, flappy vaginas aren't the most reassuring of body parts when it comes to self esteem and whatever. And boobs. And periods. And other random body issues.
Here's something I believe to be unfair:
MASTURBATION!!
It's easy for guys, everything is right there in front of them!!
Girls are far more complicated.... clitoral stimulation... g spots... apparently there is a specific technique involved... 'come hither' motion....
And porn is all aimed at men!
But girls have more fun in the long run, I reckon, they can get away with more :D
Apart from childbirth.
JOBS?
Well, I don't see it as unfair that most of the 'top jobs' are occupied by men... 'cos they must be the dullest professions ever created. They simply ooze blandness.
Plus, most women will have become incredibly maternal or have forgotten the condom at some stage before the time they reach 30. Ahoy maternity leave and housewife syndrome!
I'll round this up
I'll stop rambling
In short:
Women and men will never truly be equal because they are way too different! Equality can never be possible as there will always be some form of discrimination and/or selectivity.
Feel free to add any contributions, my lovelies :)
Tuesday 21 July 2009
Um?
Why, hello there!
It would seem that all the issues with my darling laptop that I ranted about in my last post have miraculously been fixed. Well, my neighbour jiggled it about a wee bit, gave it some meds and whispered sweet nothings through the mic et voila! We're all happy.
After a pleasent pot noodle in the garden with the clucks, I got pondering...
Since the dawn of agriculture, chickens have been genetically engineered to be fat, flightless, egg laying machines. We have no desire for skinny chickens, except for competing. We don't want chickens that fly, that would just make it easier for them to escape.
So, as I watched my gormless hens scratch up the garden, my thoughts meandered into the realms of government conspiracy theories.
Schools are publicly shown to encourage ALL children and teenagers to 'aim high' and 'achieve their best', but surely this can not be beneficial for the country?
If all children were pushed to achieve fantastically academically, then the UK would wind up in a rather sticky situation. We need worker bees! People who aspire to very little and will happily serve their country by doing inane, seemingly dull or grubby tasks.
It would seem that all the issues with my darling laptop that I ranted about in my last post have miraculously been fixed. Well, my neighbour jiggled it about a wee bit, gave it some meds and whispered sweet nothings through the mic et voila! We're all happy.
After a pleasent pot noodle in the garden with the clucks, I got pondering...
Since the dawn of agriculture, chickens have been genetically engineered to be fat, flightless, egg laying machines. We have no desire for skinny chickens, except for competing. We don't want chickens that fly, that would just make it easier for them to escape.
So, as I watched my gormless hens scratch up the garden, my thoughts meandered into the realms of government conspiracy theories.
Schools are publicly shown to encourage ALL children and teenagers to 'aim high' and 'achieve their best', but surely this can not be beneficial for the country?
If all children were pushed to achieve fantastically academically, then the UK would wind up in a rather sticky situation. We need worker bees! People who aspire to very little and will happily serve their country by doing inane, seemingly dull or grubby tasks.
In other words, we need RETARDS! Not total retards, but humans of a minimal intelligence.
Now... the government highlights those who are deemed overachievers, with programmes such as 'Gifted and Talented' etc, but what about the other students?
Is it possible that they are taught enough to pass exams, yet there is some censored rule that prevents teachers from stimulating their minds? Education is practically spoonfed, atleast through GCSE level, numbing our brains. Boring people senseless and regurgitating them from the education system. Was this intended? Were they unknowingly brainwashed into thinking that they must escape and find another direction, only to be cast down into the cesspits of the lowest paid jobs possible? I'm sure that nobody truly aspires to empty out smelly bins, but somebody has to do it!
Obviously, I really have no idea where I am going with this whole idea, like always :)
But then this leads to the loophole of those lovely lovely people who spend their lives like parasites on benefits. They have never got anywhere in life, they failed to learn anything ever, and now they plan on making money by making babies.
Slutty Chav + Horny Chav + lack of sex ed + lack of braincells = Ickle Chavlets + easy moneys.
And then the cycle repeats from the offspring.
But - this can'nae be good from a political perspective!
Or can it? These people are loathed by society! They are classed even lower than those trapped in unpleasent careers. So, maybe, this is good, as it gives those working a common enemy. They all work, and continue to work, so to avoid being classed with these unGodly cretin.
Maybe its just the natural pecking order of things?
Ackkk - brain has frazzled a wee bit now, ideas are flitting by at a rapid pace, kind of like bumblebees on LSD. Now that would be a sight!
I'll give up on this post, as I guess it died long ago.
Niiiiiiight!
Sunday 19 July 2009
Yes... yes I am a retard
This is not good.
This is sooo not good that I may even classify it as..... bad.
A couple of days ago, my clumsy self succeeded in committing manslaughter.
My pooooor poor laptop is now lying, dejected and lifeless at a neighbours house, with little hope of repair.
No longer shall it whirr in protest to the heat.
No longer shall it fail to connect to my camera.
No longer shall it find lame excuses as to why Facebook is not available.
Ok.. So maybe it was technological rubbish, but it was my one and only link to cyberspace! And now, I've killed it. Killed it dead.
Actually, looking back - maybe it wasn't my fault....
Did it fall off the bed?
Did it jump?
Or was it pushed?
Urrrrrrrrrgh!! 'Tis so annoying!!
Yes, lack of laptop is bad. But more the fact that it is only a teensy problem that has left it comatosed. Just a tiny little malfunction in the little connnection thingy on the side and it is rendered useless. It's the equivalent of someone dying from an ingrown toenail!
What makes it worse is that I have no money for a new one or even the repair of this one.
:'(
^ See this face?
That's how lappy and I feel right now (although I'm not sure whether it was advanced enough to have emotions. Wouldn't it be odd if computers did though? I can imagine them getting frightfully upset when you click the 'remind me later' option on updates, or finding themselves deeply attracted to the printer or laminator. Oh. My. God! Red Dwarf... ((if you've watched it, think of Kryten and all the appliances......(((Toaster!))))) That would be pretty cool actually.....)
Teeeheeeee, I must go geek out in front of tacky sci fi comedies now to cheer myself up a wee bit.
ANYWAY!
I apologise in advance for the severe lack of posts and comments that you'll get from me for the next couple of weeks whilst all this computer business is sorted. Unfortunately the PC I'm on now is utter shite, has a grubby keyboard and takes hours and hours to load, so I'm going to have to be pretty darn board to resort to using it.
Hopefully all will be sorted A.Q.A.P.
AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE!
Pray for laptop?
Love you all.
This is sooo not good that I may even classify it as..... bad.
A couple of days ago, my clumsy self succeeded in committing manslaughter.
My pooooor poor laptop is now lying, dejected and lifeless at a neighbours house, with little hope of repair.
No longer shall it whirr in protest to the heat.
No longer shall it fail to connect to my camera.
No longer shall it find lame excuses as to why Facebook is not available.
Ok.. So maybe it was technological rubbish, but it was my one and only link to cyberspace! And now, I've killed it. Killed it dead.
Actually, looking back - maybe it wasn't my fault....
Did it fall off the bed?
Did it jump?
Or was it pushed?
Urrrrrrrrrgh!! 'Tis so annoying!!
Yes, lack of laptop is bad. But more the fact that it is only a teensy problem that has left it comatosed. Just a tiny little malfunction in the little connnection thingy on the side and it is rendered useless. It's the equivalent of someone dying from an ingrown toenail!
What makes it worse is that I have no money for a new one or even the repair of this one.
:'(
^ See this face?
That's how lappy and I feel right now (although I'm not sure whether it was advanced enough to have emotions. Wouldn't it be odd if computers did though? I can imagine them getting frightfully upset when you click the 'remind me later' option on updates, or finding themselves deeply attracted to the printer or laminator. Oh. My. God! Red Dwarf... ((if you've watched it, think of Kryten and all the appliances......(((Toaster!))))) That would be pretty cool actually.....)
Teeeheeeee, I must go geek out in front of tacky sci fi comedies now to cheer myself up a wee bit.
ANYWAY!
I apologise in advance for the severe lack of posts and comments that you'll get from me for the next couple of weeks whilst all this computer business is sorted. Unfortunately the PC I'm on now is utter shite, has a grubby keyboard and takes hours and hours to load, so I'm going to have to be pretty darn board to resort to using it.
Hopefully all will be sorted A.Q.A.P.
AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE!
Pray for laptop?
Love you all.
Sunday 12 July 2009
Dost thou BELIEVE???
Sooo, after roaming the dark, cavernous depths of facebook for an inhuman length of time, I was left pondering...
Now, Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering???
*ZONK*
Apparently, to be a cool kid, you no longer need to be high on weed, shagging the entire rugby team or out binge drinking every night. No, the key to coolness is now....
Brace yourself for it...
Prepare to be enlightened...
:)
.........CHRISTIANITY
And, yes, I am completely and utterly serious!
Evenings are not for partying, they are for Alpha - to become closer to God.
No more splurges in Topshop, oh no, they save up for that ultra holy, extra churchy, limited edition Bible!
Prayer is SEXY!
What happened?
Since when did such a vast amount of teenagers become so obsessed with religion?
Now, I have my own views and beliefs but I refuse to conform to a single point of view. I have nothing against Christianity, I am just so very confused about where all this came from.
Shouldn't us youths be out mocking the old fuddy duddy churchgoers?
Shouldn't we be rebelling - searching for something our 'rents won't approve of?
Is this a fad? Like pokemon or rubiks cubes?
Or have teenagers truly heard their divine calling?
I know I'm asking alot of questions, but this is something that has truly baffled me.
In fact I've been quite tempted at times to pop along to one of these Alpha meetings just to see what all of the fuss is about.
Maybe it is simply a local thing to wear I live, as I can hardly imagine the street corner chavs of Brum debating the plagues of Exodus 10.
I don't know. I just simply don't understand :S
Teeheee... I guess that was something I needed to get off my (unfortunately flat) chest.
Well, yesterday I had a visit from my top whore!
The tardy boy came over for an evening of muffin munching (actual blueberry muffins, that is) and pirate perving...
Despite his age, Johnny Depp is still something to look at! Yet you always feel kind of gross when you remember that he's the same age as the 'rents. Ew. It's a shame that Orlando is such monotonus git, otherwise I'm sure he could provide a decent distraction ;).
Mmmmm pirates....
Anyways, today I successfully slept in till 3.23 in the afternoon.
I was proud.
Toodles!!
Edit: And as if to confirm my musings about teenage religion, it seems that half of facebook is wittering excitedly about Bible Week. BIBLE WEEK?! ...what is the world coming to?
Now, Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering???
*ZONK*
Apparently, to be a cool kid, you no longer need to be high on weed, shagging the entire rugby team or out binge drinking every night. No, the key to coolness is now....
Brace yourself for it...
Prepare to be enlightened...
:)
.........CHRISTIANITY
And, yes, I am completely and utterly serious!
Evenings are not for partying, they are for Alpha - to become closer to God.
No more splurges in Topshop, oh no, they save up for that ultra holy, extra churchy, limited edition Bible!
Prayer is SEXY!
What happened?
Since when did such a vast amount of teenagers become so obsessed with religion?
Now, I have my own views and beliefs but I refuse to conform to a single point of view. I have nothing against Christianity, I am just so very confused about where all this came from.
Shouldn't us youths be out mocking the old fuddy duddy churchgoers?
Shouldn't we be rebelling - searching for something our 'rents won't approve of?
Is this a fad? Like pokemon or rubiks cubes?
Or have teenagers truly heard their divine calling?
I know I'm asking alot of questions, but this is something that has truly baffled me.
In fact I've been quite tempted at times to pop along to one of these Alpha meetings just to see what all of the fuss is about.
Maybe it is simply a local thing to wear I live, as I can hardly imagine the street corner chavs of Brum debating the plagues of Exodus 10.
I don't know. I just simply don't understand :S
Teeheee... I guess that was something I needed to get off my (unfortunately flat) chest.
Well, yesterday I had a visit from my top whore!
The tardy boy came over for an evening of muffin munching (actual blueberry muffins, that is) and pirate perving...
Despite his age, Johnny Depp is still something to look at! Yet you always feel kind of gross when you remember that he's the same age as the 'rents. Ew. It's a shame that Orlando is such monotonus git, otherwise I'm sure he could provide a decent distraction ;).
Mmmmm pirates....
Anyways, today I successfully slept in till 3.23 in the afternoon.
I was proud.
Toodles!!
Edit: And as if to confirm my musings about teenage religion, it seems that half of facebook is wittering excitedly about Bible Week. BIBLE WEEK?! ...what is the world coming to?
Saturday 4 July 2009
TBC
*Smiles in a sheepish manner and hesitantly taps at the neglected keyboard*
Once again I apologise sincerely for my utterly unforgivable long absense.
If you want my complete honesty, then my lack of posts has mainly been due to...
Dear Lord, I don't want to type this...
LAZINESS!!!!!
Yes, although I hate to admit it, I have succeeded in doing naff all for the past week or so. I have experienced the life of the slovenly and unemployed. If it hadn't have been due to induction, everday would have consisted of this:
Once again I apologise sincerely for my utterly unforgivable long absense.
If you want my complete honesty, then my lack of posts has mainly been due to...
Dear Lord, I don't want to type this...
LAZINESS!!!!!
Yes, although I hate to admit it, I have succeeded in doing naff all for the past week or so. I have experienced the life of the slovenly and unemployed. If it hadn't have been due to induction, everday would have consisted of this:
- Wake up
- Eat breakfast
- Go back to sleep
- Have some form of muller yoghurt product
- Watch a film
- Return to the depths of my darling duvet
Urrrrrrrrgh - absolutely appalling, don't you think?
Anywhooooo.....
Life is more exciting now!! Just the otherday, I was gifted an orgasmic present. One which requires a little sucking as foreplay. One which must be fingered, firmly but gently. One which requires a little lube to prevent damage when screwing. And the best part, ohh the best part..... is when you give it a good old blow.
;)
:P
:O
Noooooo noo noooo no NO! Shame on you for envisioning something rather X rated!! You dirty pervert...
It's an OBOE! (And a very good one at that) I will happily declare my undying love for such a wonderful instrument right here on the net. I am not ashamed! In fact it deserves a name.... any suggestions???
As it's been sixthform induction this week, I've been contemplating possible career ideas. Of course there's the usual, slightly dull ones : curator, historian, journalist.... Blah blah blah... total meh.
However, I have managed to come to the conclusion that the best job in the world must be:
Erotic novelist
I bullshit you not!
I would happily sign my life away to Mills & Boon if I would be paid good moneys to write:
His weathered palms gently caressed her plump breasts, his fingertips focussed on her....
Or
She used her tongue to torment and tease his already engorged...
Life would be so simple. Plus you could feel happy in the knowledge that your work literally brings pleasure to many a sex starved singleton and unhappy housewife across the country.
You would receive more respect and appreciation than Bob Geldof!
I wonder how you get into such an industry, in fact I might look it up. On second thought, no, maybe that would leave me scarred....
Ahem.
Well.
Errrr...
Now that I've shared that with you, how should I continue?
.
.
.
Ugly Betty!! Yes, everyone loves Ugly Betty!!!! Loving the Wilhelmina/Betty crossover thing, I laughed so hard, I might have wet myself a little... However, I was slightly disturbed by what happened to our lovely Scottish friend at the end of the last episode. STAY WITH US CHRISTINA!!!!
Oh dear - I have just realised that Wilhelmina is probably a name taken from the German Kaiser Wilhelm II (he was a sort of right wing dictator in WW1 ). Either that or it literally translates to 'protector', however, I think the former is way more suitable for the character at hand.
After just looking up and rereading that, I have truly realised what a geek I must seem.
Well...
I AM A GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
(And that is not about to change, my dearies)
A Bientot!!!!
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